Southernlace My Journey Mundane Chaotic N Blessed

Monday, March 12, 2012

Lonely in a world of billions

How is it that we can be lonely in a world with billions of people surrounding us?  I have a great life. My ex and I have been divorced 11 years and in January we reconnected and have reunited. I can't believe that it's actually working after all this time but life is better than it ever has been. I am happy! My children are grateful to have their daddy back and I am grateful for a chance to rekindle the love and find it still exists and fan the flame and find the passion even stronger. I am truly happy!
Depression is still very real in my life and loneliness looms very large before me. My heart aches to have these feeling disengage and drop off me but they don't ever go away. I cannot for the life f me understand how I can be so happy yet so lonely and empty and depressed. I really loathe depression....really.
I dream of a day when I wake up with out the dark cloud hovering over me. I dream of a day when feelings are a part of me yet don't take me over. I dream of a day when I am happy with out the BUT.....that comes after that word. I find myself wanting to scream and yet I can't find one bad thing in my life to scream about. I want to cry but without reason confusing and frustrating!! I want to run away but I would miss my loves. I love my life adn yet I hate it too.....and I am lonely because??? who knows......God is still God and life is still good yet I feel like a fraud saying it because it sure doesn't FEEL good!